Southern Cajun Momma

   I was born into the Catholic church and that’s all I knew for the vast majority of my life.  My biological children and stepchildren were also baptized Catholic. That’s all they’ve known for more than half of their lives.  Some of my family and friends belonged to other religions.   We were taught to never judge other religions.   That’s not our job in the first place.   None of us are walking around with a crown on our head or holes in our hands so we don’t have the authority to judge.  I was blessed with understanding parents that raised us Catholic yet allowed us to participate in camps/activities that were of other religions.  As long as these participations strengthened our relationship with God, they saw no problem with it.  I guess this is why I bounced back and forth between the Catholic student center and Baptist student center during college.   I participated in both groups and we all loved each other.  

  Certain events in my life limited my participation in church.   I felt shunned and I began to close off.  I questioned God as to why us sinners were loved differently.  Why could some who had committed worse sins than I did participate in church but because of my sin I could not?  I will add this in here, the pope has changed some practices since my experience that I wish were in place during my time.  I felt ashamed because I felt like I was on display when I couldn’t participate in certain activities.   I felt my relationship with God weaken. 

   I prayed about what path I needed to take to better my relationship with God. I remembered shortly after a personal  tragedy, a pastor reached out to me.  I felt the presence of God so strongly when I was around him.  It impacted me, even 5 years later. As I prayed, I thought of him. I said to myself “you’ve been judged harshly anyway so who cares if others will judge you for going to his church?”

I remember the first Sunday that I pulled into that parking lot. I went alone. I didn’t want to bring my kids. I wanted to test it out to make sure it was “safe” for my kids. I felt my body quiver as I walked to the door. I thought “Girl!!! What are you doing? You’re catholic? You’re cheating on your own religion!” My legs started to feel weak and I wanted to run back to my car. The doors opened and a familiar face smiled at me. She grabbed my hands and gave me the biggest hug. She told me she was happy to see me. As I slowly walked towards where everyone was seated, I had more people hug me and tell me that they were glad I was here with them. After the last hug, I hung my head as a few tears fell down my face.

I honestly don’t remember what the pastor said that day. I do remember how they made me feel. I walked into that place with a broken soul, ashamed, lost and feeling shunned. I felt the presence of God and I felt each of my wounds starting to heal. I felt loved and I felt worthy of Christ. I cried when I drove away that day. I found my home and I knew this is where I belonged.

The years went by. My children and I began attending our new church on a regular basis. My sister too decided to step away from the catholic church and began attending another church. Please don’t misread this. We still love the church we grew up in. We love the people that attend it. We have no ill will towards it. It just wasn’t the right fit for me to strengthen my relationship with God. Back to what I was saying earlier. My sister started attending another church. One of my stepdaughters spent some weekends with her and attended that church as well. After she attended it a handful of times, she begged her dad and I to give it a try.

I walked into that church that Sunday with just my husband and stepchildren. I sat there quietly not knowing what to expect. The pastor made his way to the front. He began talking. Slowly, I was drawn in. I laughed at some of the things he said. He had my complete attention. As I was sitting there enjoying his message, he says “ok! Let’s wrap this up!” I look at my watch and think “wait! Have I really been in here for over an hour? Why are you stopping now? I want to hear more?” This was the first time in my entire life that I felt the thirst for more God. I knew there was something amazing about this. It hit my soul like nothing ever has before. I sat down in my vehicle and a rush of guilt came over me. “Did I just cheat on my other church? Come on girl! This is your 3rd church in less than 3 years! What are you doing? How will people look at you? Now people are going to say ‘I completely understand why her 1st marriage didn’t work. She can’t make her mind up about which church she wants to go to.’”

I kept my new church quiet for a while like it was some sort of affair I was having. I couldn’t let my other church people know that I found a new home. As my love grew stronger for my new church, the more guilt I felt. I wondered what I was doing to my 4 catholic children. Am I showing them religious instability? Am I messing up their beliefs? Am I misleading them? Those doubts quickly disappeared when all 4 of my children began asking us to go to church every Sunday. Then they started to ask to go to youth services during the week. They asked to be signed up for other groups. They started attending this church and its activities 3-4 times a week. I never forced them. They were thirsting for this. They wanted more. I fell more in love with this church.

Navigating through the teenage years is so difficult, especially in this day and age when things are so much more easily accessible. We do our best as parents to protect them but the devil is lurking in every corner trying to lure them in. I probably have bruises at the bottom of my chin from it hitting the ground so much. Call me ignorant. Call me overprotective. Call me whatever you want. I’m just blown away when I hear what some of these kids the same age as mine are doing. I’m almost 40 years old and have not done some of the things my children’s peers have. God is missing in so many homes. I say He’s missing but there aren’t any missing posters looking for him. You know why? He’s always in our homes. We just have to include Him.

I’ve seen my kids struggle but I’ve also seen their love for God deepen. They’ve struggled with finding relationships with the opposite sex because welllllllll….. my kids refuse to participate in what’s expected in some of these relationships. I’m at my own battle with whether they should or shouldn’t date. I wasn’t really allowed to date until I was much older. My divorce has changed my view on it. Due to my lack of experiences in dating, I made huge mistakes and married someone that I never should have. I don’t want to do the same to my girls. I want them to discover their worth, which is something I didn’t discover until my divorce. People may not agree with it but again they’ll eventually have to navigate the world without me so why not allow the to navigate some of it while I still have a big influence on them? I remember the night they came back from one of their youth nights. They were beaming ear to ear. One of them said, “I don’t need a boyfriend! I’m going to dance with God until He makes room for the right person.” Hit the pause button for a second. I need to gather myself for a minute. What a simple yet deep statement. I’ve been trying to navigate them through this world and relationships while maintaining their Christianity. A simple statement such as that pulled my feet from under me and the light bulb went off. That’s it!! That’s exactly what they need to do. From time to time, they still tell me “I’m just enjoying my dance with God.”

My girls have faced many struggles but they have overcome them. One of my children in particular, I’ve lost a lot of sleep worrying about her. I remember a talk with my mom once “the devil has a tight grasp on her and won’t let her go.” It makes me nauseous even putting these words on here. I prayed for her so much. I talked to her. Eventually, I had to back off and slowly she found her way. She started taking my advice into consideration. She started giving me those amazing hugs and snuggling up against me on the couch. I felt that I was finally getting my child back. After a recent youth service, all 4 of my girls came into the house and went their separate ways. A few minutes later, I look up from my supper to see 3 of my 4 daughters looking at me. My other daughter who had been struggling with life but was showing significant improvement was not there. They whispered something to me. I signaled to them to speak up. They whispered a little louder “She (referring to the daughter not there with them) went to the leaders and had them pray over her tonight. No one made her. She just did it.” Their eyes were glossy as they smiled with pride. My heart exploded and we all looked at each other like we knew what had just happened.

I have watched the love my girls have for the Lord intensify. They boast about it and that has drawn some of their friends in. I’ve gotten messages in the past month from their friends “can I go to church with the girls tonight?” They are not being forced to do so. Because of the love my girls have for their church and God, others have began to develop the same feelings. I may have sent 4 girls to that church but the amount of friends/peers that have followed them and are doing the same makes my momma heart want to burst with pride. They are spreading the love and it is moving like a wildfire.

Not too long ago, one of my daughters was talking to me about a conversation she had with another adult. My daughter was talking about her love for the church. My daughter referred to herself as a Christian. The adult replied back “no. You’re catholic. You were baptized Catholic so you’re catholic. ” My daughter was completely offended and hurt by this comment. She began to explain why she was a Christian but the adult continued on with labeling my child as one way. I don’t care what religious label you carry or what church you attend. If you love God and do you best to follow his footsteps, you are a Christian no matter religion you belong to. According to http://www.compassion.com: “A Christian is someone whose behavior and heart reflects Jesus Christ. Followers of Jesus were first called “Christians” in Antioch. The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.” They were called “Christians” because their speech and behavior were like Christ.”

Some time passes after this incident and my daughter is again slammed with the fact that she is not attending a catholic church. She is catholic and shouldn’t be attending another church. As a momma, my claws want to come out. I sit back and close my eyes after hearing yet again that my daughter was attacked about her Christianity. Both of these adults proclaim to be catholic, but as far as I am aware neither of them have stepped foot in a catholic church outside of a funeral or wedding. They’re not bad people but neither of them practice the catholic religion either. When I say practice, I mean live by it and show grace upon others. If they truly lived by the word of God, they would not be attacking my child. The thing that kept repeating over in my head when I heard this was “You’re no more of a car for standing in your garage than you are a Christian for going to church.”

I sat back and thought about my daughter. I was proud of how she defended herself in both situations. I couldn’t go to sleep that night because my soul wouldn’t rest. Do they not see how happy she and her sisters are with their relationship with God? Do they not see how much better my girls’ lives have gotten? Why do they feel the need to push the catholic label on my kids and make them feel bad for not attending the catholic church? Why aren’t these adults attacking themselves for not going to church? They’re my girls’ family. I thought family loved each other regardless. Have they not seen my girl sing worship songs and praise the lord on the way to school or long drives? Are they blinded by a particular label. Does it really matter what label they have? I feel that as long as they are walking down the right path with the Lord,a label doesn’t matter. Last time I checked, God doesn’t triage at the pearly gates. “Catholics to the front! You Baptists get to the back of the line!” Our God is a loving God and unlike us flawed humans, he doesn’t judge us based on which Christian religion we choose.

My soul has been restless on what my child has had to endure. I’m proud of her for sticking up for herself in her belief. Her younger sister is more easily influenced and that concerns me. I talked to her about outside influences and she has found her voice since being prayed over. As my oldest daughter said “this is where I want to be right now. If I change my mind as an adult, then I will do so at that time. ” My mind has been in turmoil with these adults and their behavior. Their hearts truly cannot be filled with the love of God if they cannot appreciate the love my girls have for God. Does it really matter which church they get it from? As a mother of many teenagers currently, I am just grateful that my children want to spend their spare time with God and not doing other things that could lead them down the wrong path. Why do these adults feel the need to make them feel guilty for going somewhere else than where they were baptized? All I can conclude is God is not fully present in their hearts. This isn’t the first time I’ve had a Christian battle in my heart with some of these adults. My daughter’s counselor once asked me, “if I could wave a magic wand over this and make it all better, how would that happen?” I got choked up and started crying. I could barely get the words out but I said “by having God in their hearts and home.”

If everyone could please take a moment and pray for those that don’t completely have God in their hearts and home, it would be a huge blessing for so many. Pray for those that feel the need to attack or impose a label on those whose Christianity is pure and their love for God is strong. As far as my kids go, as long as they have a strong love and relationship with God I’ll be satisfied. There’s so much worse they could be doing but they are not. Why attack them when they are doing nothing wrong? Regarding the religion they choose: DOES IT REALLY MATTER?